Yesterday i had my first sonogram. I laid on the table and could barely see the screen. As soon as my doctor looked at the screen she said "Are you ready for this?" I started telling her how "yeah, my babies will be close in age and I don't know if we're ready but..." then she said "It's twins, guys!"
I said "no its not." and would not look at the screen. There was just no way there could be TWO babies. That doesn't happen... Josh smiled and got up to look closer and then said "I Told you!!" And he had. Not even a week before the ultrasound he had said "well it could be twins." I half cried and said "I know, I've been thinking that, but its not!"
I finally looked at the screen and there were definitely two dark circles with two light little beans inside them.
At that moment, and even at this moment I have no idea what I'm feeling. It's a mixture of emotions. I love my babies but I also love my other baby and I wonder how this will affect him. Life will change drastically. I'm thinking of financial changes, spacial changes, and super no sleep changes. I'm thinking of giving birth to 2 babies instead of 1. I'm thinking of having babies that could potentially be born very small, not be able to come home with me in the beginning, and maybe have other issues that I don't want to even learn about. I'm thinking of how to be prepared, how to be healthy, how to care for and support 2 tiny babies and my big guy.
But I am grateful that I have 2 healthy babies growing inside me. I am grateful to have the chance to be a mother again...and again. I am grateful that Michael is the baby he is, so easy going and good natured. And I am grateful to have family that I know will support me. Sometimes (most of the time) we don't know why we are given the blessings that we receive, and this is definitely one of those times, but I am grateful that my heavenly father is entrusting Josh and I with two more precious babies to care for and love and I know that if he didn't know we could handle it and be the best parents for these two spirits we would not have you babies. I love you babies. Be safe in there. Mommy and Daddy cannot wait to meet you. And we cannot wait for you, Michael, to meet your baby siblings either. Our life is going to change forever, but I know we will be so happy!
Love,
Mommy
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| about 7 weeks |
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| about 9 weeks |
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| Best Brother Ever! |
